Have you ever read something extremely controversial theory involving you which you would not even want to show any bit approval? Probably, you have had that moment when you have kept blindly avoiding your own self. For example, let's consider that you are an affectionate mother who always does the best for their kids. You support them no matter what, and you also know that is your responsibility. Because that's what families are for. They always have nothing but the best intentions for us. Then, one day you come across subsequent sentences:
A mother's envy of a beloved child
We have arrived at the underside of the mother-daughter bond, the un-
sweetened bitterness of it. To envy one's child, to want what she has, to feel that her having it has been at one's own expense—what a cruel and terrible irony it is to envy her the very opportunities one longed so urgently to give her.
What would be your reaction? Would you be surprised that mothers can be unconsciously envy of their own children? Children whom they sacrificed themselves for. Then irony kicks in. It is the very reason why they envy. Because they sacrificed so much of themselves just to give their children better life standards which they did not have in the first place. They are aware of the amount of sacrifice but the real thing needed to be done is to fully embrace that sacrifice. It is where they fail. Children become the subject of this phenomenon. Mothers unconsciously reprimand their kids, penalize them for trivial matters. Unfortunately, kids often know about this kind of resentment but it is beyond the capacity of comprehending.
The idea of a mother's resentment towards her daughter sounds utterly the opposite of a mother conception which profoundly rooted in our minds. However, psychoanalysis suggests otherwise. From the standpoint of a psychoanalyst, it is completely possible and can be clearly explained. Shadow resides in us is unbreakable, and we can do nothing but confront it. More we avoid, more delusional we will be.
Meeting your shadow is no easy and may lead to a drastic identity crisis.
I'd like to call it Heavy Moments of life.
These moments may get substantially detrimental when a person meets the shadow of themselves, therefore it must be taken highly serious. All you need is to take a glance at your shadow, so you can be sure of your true or repressed self. One must not be stuck with their shadow for an extended period of time. Your shadow is evil-like, tempting, narcissistic and grotesque. You do not stand a chance to withstand the malignant impact of it. More time spent with it, more fiendish you come to be.
There are at least five effective pathways for travelling inward to gain insight
into the composition of our shadow: (1) soliciting feedback from others as to how they perceive us; (2) uncovering the content of our projections; (3) examining our "slips" of tongue and behaviour, and investigating what is really
occurring when we are perceived other than we intended to be perceived; (4) considering our humour and our identifications; and (5) studying our dreams,
daydreams, and fantasies.
When we see ourselves in the mirror, we tend to see things are much more charming to us. We do not wish to be reminded we have some pimples here and there. We think it makes us uglier so seem not to bother. It comes to us as thinking "we are simply avoiding negativity", however, as a matter of fact, we blind ourselves to the obnoxious aspects of ours. Despite all the frightening and threatening side of soliciting feedback from others, it is still the most effective way to get to know our selves and to meet the shadow.
Instead of living under the delusion, just ask somebody, especially the one who is thoroughly acquainted with your personality, how they perceive as a person. After you got the observations of your close ones, try to ruminate and explore them deeply.
Other options are kind of follow the same pathway with the first one which is the most reliable and plausible. I am planning to write more about the Shadow of Oneself, so that's why I kept the latter part to my next article. It is just a personal blog and I just share my own interpretations of Shadow itself. While writing this book, I got highly inspired by the work of PhD Connie Zweig.
I want to conclude my writing with the following quotes:
There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution. — Oscar.W
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